this time we'll do what we please.

have you ever felt immensly lonely 
and yet you are surrounded by loads of people
i know it sounds cliche
its how i feel 
i am so happy for her and yet
it changed everything
now all she wants to do is hang out with him
where do i fit?
every single one of my friends has someone
i don't 
I know it sounds like i am a stupid bitch 
it sounds like i hate my life 
i don't i love my life and the people in it 
i just wish i didn't feel so lonely
oh and breaking up with him
huge mistake
mom went off on me about prom 
apparently someone is "forbidden" to go 
that is news to me
can't stand people right now! 

just kinda wanna lock  myself in my room
but i can't
i have no where else to go 
don't have a space to myself
I kinda wanna go for a swim in the lake 
too cold
everyone and their mothers can go fuck themselves!

Current Location: room
Current Mood: grrr!

My brother is an idiot! I really can't stand him right now
he gets his way all the time
he is disrespectful and rude
in his world it is his way or the highway
you have to zdrop everything and worship him
he needs an attitude adjustment
my mom is probably crying right now

what a fucking ass hole

Current Location: room
Current Mood: pissed off

 Bitch!

at least i had the coutesy to tell you about it 
i had to fucking hear it from someone else! 
Fuck you!

Current Location: living room
Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: mad tv

 so my life definat;y sucks.  My best friend is on a dadte with this guy i kinda liked... oh well she liked him first and i am not going to be that person.  I had a bunch of people over last night.  (including my ex cause we are still friends)  It is kinda funny that the only people i am friends with are the crew.  but anyways everyone leaves except my ex.  then he comes and sits next to me and like doesn't leave for like a half an hour until i made up an excuse that i had to go to bed.  Then as i was cleaning up the kitchen a little (cause i kinda wanted to get away from the whole situation just incase) he comes over and hugs me good bye.  now to the point:  I need a boy to let my ex know i kinda don't want to date him.  no not kinda don't.  We are just better as friends.  

Listening to the AMA's cause i got in trouble for freaking out on Joel causes he is a whiney little bitch and i hate him.  GAH!!

Current Location: Bed
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: AMA's

so i am finaly 18!! yay!! 

now for the real reason for this post:

                   I don't know what happened or why she isn't talking to me but i'm not going to push it.  If she feels it is better then that is her decision.  

                   I freaked out at crew last night because the fuckingpeople there don't know how much all this fucking means to me.  I took off fucking work because i needed to go on this trip.  I get to the meeting last night and guess what almost everyone who said they would go can't go because of something stupid.  so mu resonse to that is FUCK YOU! 

                   I went to Bloom....nothing happened.... i didn't have the guts

                    Jonathan is coming tonight!! ahhh!

Current Location: bed
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Nickleback "animals"

pop called today
we talked for like 15 min
then we had a 15 min awkward scilence
then the bitch hung up on me
didn't say anything
all i heared was "click"


BITCH!! I FUCKING HATE HIM!!!!!

Current Location: room
Current Music: jesus muzik

I fucking hate college!
i try and have a conversation with my parents
all my mom has to say about it is
"alicia you're thinking about this too emotionally, you need to think rationally"
wtf is that supposed to mean

They don't get and never will get my problems
I am almost a fucking senior in HS and guess what??
never been kissed
my fucking 14 yr old brother has more then likely gotten head and me...
never been kissed
how pathetic is that??
The last bf i had was 2 yrs ago! 
and he was 3 yrs younger then me
he was closer to my brothers age then he was to mine! 





Fuck it all to hell


**sorry i didn't get the pictures to you ... this is the first time all weekend i have been online and to be quite honest i am going to bed!**


did i forget to mention my pop called on sat....joel answered cause i was at work
said he'd call back
never did...story of my life

Current Location: room
Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: dead scilence

It is all falling apart 
correction: its all gone

maybe it is for the best 
maybe you never really needed me 
but instead i needed you


hate this feeling.  

Current Location: room (my bed)
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: big spender (in my head)

It's all done with...i'm cool
I am serene and everything is ok

Shrek the Third tonight!!  Can't wait!!

Current Location: scilence
Current Mood: flirty

All i can say is great.  
They are lucky.  


kinda upset about some stuff but ill be fine




Update on the accident:  
We got the car back
I have to go to court on tuesday






Hopefully it will all work out 
(and i'm not just talking about the car)

Current Location: living room
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: grey's

No more adventures for me.....
I crashed the car.....
The front end is smashed in....
No driving for like ever..
car will be back in about a month.....
REALLY NEED a job now for the following reasons:

1.  I NEED TO PAY OFF THE CAR
2.  I NEEDTO PAY OFF THE INSURANCE
3.  I NEED TO PAY THE FINES
4.  WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER I WILL NEED A CAR OF MY OWN
(KEY WORDS BEING: WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER)


I will post pictures of the crash later...maybe

I was like 2 freaking seconds away from Becca's House

First word out of my mouth..."FUCK!"

It all happened so fast i don't even remember clearly what happened...god damn it


well lets just say all my freedom went bye byes!

Current Location: Kitchen
Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: HGTV

Easter:

got up at 9
sat on my ass all day
it is now 8 and i still havn't eaten dinner
Church last night and i looked hot!
mom thought the dress was too tight 
but i do beleive i saw a few of the guys (my age of course) looking at me 
...especially that guy from cherry hill (damn!)
Talked to Sean after about stupid stuff ::cough cough:: 

I need a boy I am sick of everyone else having everything and i am just kinda stuck 
I mean my friend just got out of a relationship and she already has someone else!!! 
All i can say is what the fuck!!

Current Location: basement
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: pump it ~ BEP

All i can say is Mr. Haney sucks ass. I hate him he hates me ans now i am going to fail! god fucking damn him!! I can't stand the way he is all holier then thou and acts all two faced. GOD!! I really think i need some mental help! This year is going to be the death of me. I can't stand that i might be losing control of my life. I feel trapped. I have never felt trapped before. I feel so unnoticalble to everyone around me. If you have ever seen princess diraies and you know how Mia always gets sat upon....That is how i feel. I feel like my whole world is crashing down around me and i can do nothing to stop it. There is nothing but fighting going on at my house and my parents who never really faught before can't stand to be around each other sometimes. I need this weekend to just calm down relax and chill...oh and of course my mom ruins my spring break plans of partying by inviting my grandmother to come and stay with us because we soooo need a babysitter. I just hate being here. I hate being me right now. The onl time i escape is when i am at cheerleading and according to my mom if i don't "fix" things with Mr. Haney I am off the team. She even threateded to take me off the team before florida. again i think i need some serious mental help or some really good drugs.

Current Location: bedroom yelling at the comuter
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: none

My brother is such a fucking ass!! 

i need a fucking attitude adjustment

I need self-acceptance

I need alot

I need a freaking car









Ashley and i are amazing!! almost getting the cops called on us?!?!?!   haha

Current Location: bedroom
Current Mood: enraged
Current Music: The Monkeys

BATTLE!!

so the itinerary for theis weekend is as follows:

1. driving test
2. driving to DC 
3. Competing at Battle!
4. coming home from DC!


Wish me Luck!!



Edit: March 2, 2007

I passed!!

Current Mood: nervous
Current Music: cat cleaning himself

Been sick all day! Throwing up and all that fun stuff
didn't go to school didn't do any of my hw either! 
gotta go do algebra!

Current Mood: sick
Current Music: humm of the computer fan

PMS + people who get on your nerves = VERY bad situation
All of the judgements about me 
shove them up your ass
I'm not as stupid as you think
What if i don't want to go?
It is all your fault
didn't you get it when i said something that weekend?
I'm sick of your shit! 
you're not funny!!
I'm not her don't make me out to be her
you were with her for almost your whole life 
you have known me for 2 years
(not that you were ever there)


And what about you?? '
you're not funny either
and you are not all powerful 
you have authority problems..don't you
yeah i'm younger but i bet i'm smarter









I am sooo sick of everyone makimg me feel so god damned stupid! 
Fuck you all!! 

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Christina "oh mother"